When your brain wants predictability and novelty at the same time
Change is a part of life. Plans change. People change. Jobs change. Routines change. Things don’t always go the way we expected them to.
For some people, change might be frustrating or inconvenient. For me, and for many AuDHD people, change can sometimes feel much bigger than that.
And one of the most confusing parts is that I can simultaneously want change and struggle enormously when it actually happens.
I can want something to change and still struggle when it does
This is one of those contradictions that makes much more sense to me now that I understand my AuDHD.
I can become bored with a routine. I can crave something different. I can want a new project. I can decide I need a change.
And then, when the change actually happens… my brain can panic.
It’s not necessarily that I didn’t want the change. It’s that wanting something different and being able to comfortably transition into something different are two separate things.
Predictability can feel safe
Autism can involve a strong preference for predictability, routine and knowing what to expect.
Knowing what is going to happen can reduce the amount of mental processing required.
You know the environment. You know the expectations. You know what’s coming next.
When something changes unexpectedly, suddenly you have to process new information.
What is happening? What happens now? What do I need to do? What is expected of me? What has changed? What haven’t I thought about yet?
Even a change that seems small to someone else can require a surprising amount of mental energy.
And then there’s ADHD
This is where AuDHD gets interesting again.
ADHD can involve a need for novelty and stimulation. Routine can become boring. Repetition can become difficult. You might crave something new.
So you can have one part of your brain saying: I need something different!
I need something different!
while another part is saying: Wait! Not like that!
Wait! Not like that!”
It can be incredibly frustrating.
The change doesn’t have to be bad
Another thing I’ve realised is that struggling with change doesn’t necessarily mean I dislike the change.
I can be genuinely excited about something and still find the transition difficult.
I can want a new opportunity and still feel overwhelmed when it arrives. I can be happy about a change and sad about what I’m leaving behind.
Multiple feelings can exist at the same time. That doesn’t make the reaction irrational. It makes it complicated.
Transitions can be particularly difficult
Sometimes it’s not even the change itself. It’s the transition.
Moving from one thing to another requires us to stop what we’re doing, shift our attention, process new information and begin something different.
For someone with executive functioning difficulties, that can be a significant demand.
And if the change is unexpected, there can be an additional layer of emotional and sensory processing.
This is something I think about a lot in teaching too. Children aren’t necessarily giving us a hard time because they don’t want to transition. The transition itself might genuinely be difficult.
When plans change
Unexpected changes can be particularly challenging.
You might have mentally prepared for one thing. You’ve imagined how it will go. You’ve allocated your energy. You’ve created a plan.
And then someone says: Actually, we’re doing something different today
Actually, we’re doing something different today.”
Even when the new plan is objectively fine, your brain may still need time to adjust. And sometimes the emotional reaction arrives before the logical part of your brain has caught up.
Preparation can make a difference
One of the things I’ve found helpful is knowing what I can expect whenever possible.
Clear information. Warnings before changes. Visual reminders. Knowing the general plan. Having time to process.
And when something does change unexpectedly, having someone acknowledge that can help.
Even something as simple as: I know this wasn’t what you were expecting. Here’s what’s happening instead.
I know this wasn’t what you were expecting. Here’s what’s happening instead.”
can be incredibly useful.
Learning not to judge myself for it
Perhaps the biggest change has been the way I think about my own reactions.
I used to think: Why am I struggling with this? It’s not even a big deal.
Why am I struggling with this? It’s not even a big deal.”
Now I try to ask: What is my brain having to process right now?
What is my brain having to process right now?”
That doesn’t mean every reaction is automatically reasonable or that change can always be avoided.
Change is unavoidable. But understanding why something is difficult gives me a better chance of responding to it with compassion rather than immediately criticising myself.
And maybe that’s the bigger lesson
I don’t think the goal is to create a life where nothing ever changes. That isn’t realistic.
The goal is perhaps to understand what makes change harder, recognise when I’m reaching my limit, and build enough flexibility and support that I can move through change without completely exhausting myself.
I’m still learning how to do that. But understanding the contradiction has helped.
I can want novelty. I can need routine. I can love change. I can hate unexpected change. I can be excited and overwhelmed at the same time.
And none of those things necessarily cancel each other out. That’s AuDHD.
🎧 Listen to Episode 9
This post accompanies Episode 9 of the That AuDHD Teacher podcast, where I explore why change and transitions can feel so complicated when you have both autism and ADHD.
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